


Infinite War

by TheWurst



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Boots - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Mature Rating is for Nipples, Multi, Olive Oil, Ouch my Bones, limb amputation, the hulk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 04:47:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17522231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWurst/pseuds/TheWurst
Summary: Infinity War: Alternate EndingorThaddy





	Infinite War

The Mencredible Mulk

 

The wizard man stepped out of the blazing spiraling portal he’d summoned on command, flabbergasted at the location in which he had spawned in. The planet seemed unsettlingly bleak, with sand the shade of dark copper, accumulating under his  Natural Horween Leather Goodyear Welt Construction boots, which were laced with a handcrafted Full Glove Leather Interior Lining with Premium Flat Wax, Laces Cork-Bed Midsole, and a fresh EVA Comfort Strip Studded with Rubber Outsoles. 

 

He felt an unfamiliar presence arise from behind him, feet paddling soft against the rising dust amidst the unknown panet. He quickly turned around, meeting face to face with a young woman holding a laser-fused weapon that glowed a menacingly blue LED light. 

 

“I’m here to find my dad, Obi wand” she said with a skittish accent. 

 

Starturd sighed. “You're in the wrong franchise again, Rey.” 

 

“Shit.” She muttered to Harold as she held up her hand. She looked at her hand. She was missing a finger on each hand. 

 

“Huh,” she said. “Ie isn’t enough weed here”

 

guess it could come in  _ handy _ .”

 

The WizardWizard Man rubbed his strange goatee. He twirled his hand in a strange circular patterned and a ring of golden light appeared in front of him. He put his hand through it and accidently touched his own butt. “WROng PorTal” he screamed and closed the portal abruptly, severing off his own hand in the process. “Ouch my bones.” he muttered romantically. 

 

There are 1,000,000,000 timelines. Only in this one does he lose a hand. 

 

The mulk appeared as the strange wizard man. was screaming at his handless limb. Rey faded into a pile of dust, blown away by the windless wind. 

 

“What is happening” the Mulk asked, rather concerned for his injured friend. 

 

The goatee man laughed bitterly, hearing his friend speak. “Ah, its seems the purple mucus man has cursed me. I’m fatally destined to be clumsy.”

 

Mulk shrugged. “Im sorry I guess” he gestured towards the severed hand. “For that too.” 

 

Wiz Man smiled. “It was the only way,” he cast his eyes sadly at the ground, a few lonely tears dripping off his well sculpted cheekbones.  

 

Mulk looked solemnly at the background. “I cant believe youve done this- How are we supposed to defeat the Purple Mucus Man?” 

 

The wiz mister man twitched. “Real men an overcome anything.” 

 

Lightning flashed across the sky, followed by the gentle rumble of thunder. A gaping hole appeared out of nowhere and two bodies fell from it. 

 

Mulk pointed at the sky, quickly alarmed by the manifestation of the hole in front of them. “Look!” 

 

The two bodies fell towards the ground, but suddenly stopped mid-air. They hung there, suspended, until they jerked sideways and began moving towards the Mulk and Wiz-man, like they were in some kind of invisible horizontal elevator. 

 

They were dumped on top of Wiz Man’s severed appendage. Wizman cried for the ghost of his hand. His non existent bone was aching. 

 

The newcomers sizzled and were covered in olive oil. Loki sighed. Thor was thoring.

 

Mulk and wiz man made their way towards the fallen brethren, scratching their nipples because the oil caused the air to become itchy. 

 

“Who are you?” Mulk asked calmly. 

 

The two looked up leisurely, clearly on the verge of passing out. 

 

“I am Doki” said the greener man. The blonde and less greener man passed out. 

 

_ *itching intensifies* _

 

The man whoms’t’ve called himself Doki rolled furiously, trying to ease the searing discomfort. It did not help. 

 

Wiz man took off his shirt to scratch harder with his unsevered hand. 

 

Mulk shrugged “I am The Mulk. But you can just call me Mulk.” 

Doki made a “:3” face and got up. “Can you help us get rid of this oil?” 

 

Suddenly, Thor stood up and let out a battlecry.  “It burns!” He screamed, glaring at Doki. “This is all your fault.” 

 

Mulk sighed. “Can you both calm down? Here,” he said as he poured a bottle of bap over them. 

The viscous liquid ran down the brothers, causing their limbs to stick to their bodies. With their legs stuck together, they could no longer stand and collapsed into conveniently neat fleshy sticks. 

 

“Hmmmmmm,” pondered Mulk.

 

Wiz man twisted his goatee.

 

Just then, a troop of Peta members stomped over to their locations. “Identifications, please.” One peta officer asked, watching the two brothers covered in olive oil. 

 

Mulk shrugged. “We don't have them.”

 

THE END

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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